Paul delivers yet again

"Paul, a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, called as an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God..." -Romans 1:1

The other day my daily Bible reading said to read Romans 1-3, I only made it through verse 1 of chapter 1.

Bond-servant.

This word cut deeply. Deeper than I would have liked.

For the past week I have wrestled with this word. What exactly does it mean? How am I to live out being Christ's bond-servant today? A bond-servant is bound to his master and does exactly what his master bids exactly when his master bids it. A bond-servant is not free. Yet, we have been freed by the blood of Christ.

"For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." -Galatians 1:13

"Act as free men, and do no use your freedom as a covering for evil, but us it as BONDSLAVES of God." -1 Peter 2:16 (caps mine)

Freedom was given to us only for us to become bond-servants. Sounds a bit twisted.

Only it's not.

If I have learned nothing else during my Christan walk, I have learned of my complete ineptness to do anything on my own--even waking up some mornings! I am and will never be strong enough or wise enough to walk through this life on my own. The world tells me to be strong and look out for myself and to continue to get stronger so that I can survive on my own.

Here's the problem--I cannot make myself stronger. I cannot survive on my own. I need the cross. I need His strength. I am and will always be completely dependent upon Him for everything. Just like a bond-servant is dependent upon His master for everything. I am bound completely to Christ and I am nothing and can do nothing apart from Him.

I am His bond-servant and am His bond-servant because of the cross.

To be His bond-servant, we must live our lives by faith and hope. For the majority of my Christian life, I thought that this meant things like faith that I will always have friends, and hope that I will always have a good job. But, it's not.

It's leaps of faith that cannot be explained. Leaps that will define and enhance our walks. Leaps that will bring about more leaps. Faith that will produce righteousness. Faith that is contagious.

The Greek meaning of hope ("elpis" that I have tattooed on my wrist) is "joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation". Hope that is hard. Hope that will bring us to the cross. Hope that will bring us to a place of utter dependence upon the Lord. Hope that, like Abraham, will bring us full assurance that all that the Lord has promised, He will perform.

He promises sufferings and trials and, in the end, SALVATION!

So, this is what I will hope in. This is what I will have faith in. This is who I will be a bond-servant to.

Christ Jesus who died on the cross and shed His blood as a complete covering for my sin--of which I am completely undeserving.

Vision

Acts 8: 26-40

26But an angel of the Lord spoke to Philip saying, "Get up and go south to the road that descends from Jerusalem to Gaza." (This is a desert road.)

27So he got up and went; and there was an Ethiopian eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of all her treasure; and he had come to Jerusalem to worship,

28and he was returning and sitting in his chariot, and was reading the prophet Isaiah.

29Then the Spirit said to Philip, "Go up and join this chariot."

30Philip ran up and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet, and said, "Do you understand what you are reading?"

31And he said, "Well, how could I, unless someone guides me?" And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.

32Now the passage of Scripture which he was reading was this:
"HE WAS LED AS A SHEEP TO SLAUGHTER;
AND AS A LAMB BEFORE ITS SHEARER IS SILENT,
SO HE DOES NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH.
33"IN HUMILIATION HIS JUDGMENT WAS TAKEN AWAY;
WHO WILL RELATE HIS GENERATION?
FOR HIS LIFE IS REMOVED FROM THE EARTH."

34The eunuch answered Philip and said, "Please tell me, of whom does the prophet say this? Of himself or of someone else?"

35Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning from this Scripture he preached Jesus to him.

36As they went along the road they came to some water; and the eunuch said, "Look! Water! What prevents me from being baptized?"

37And Philip said, "If you believe with all your heart, you may." And he answered and said, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God."]

38And he ordered the chariot to stop; and they both went down into the water, Philip as well as the eunuch, and he baptized him.

39When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord snatched Philip away; and the eunuch no longer saw him, but went on his way rejoicing.

40But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he passed through he kept preaching the gospel to all the cities until he came to Caesarea.

I have been praying for a vision. For guideance. For some sort of direction.

For a long time I have felt that my prayers have not been answered. What am I passionate about? What are my gifts? What do I LOVE to do? As Jess says, "What makes my heart race?"

The past week and a half has been rough. Physically, mentally, spiritually, I have been drained. I have hit my wall and have had to continue to move forward. But, because He is so good, I have experienced more of Christ.

Two things I have leared...

First of all is that my prayers have not been in vain. My praying and seeking the face of the Lord, I have learned more about the character of the Lord. I have pleaded with Him. I have worshipped Him. I have been drawn near to Him.

MY prayers do not need to be answered.

Instead, my heart needs to be aligned with His, and He has helped me to see that. Following Christ does not mean doing what you want to do and following Him on the side. Following Christ means altering your entire life so that you are always in line with His will.

So I prayed that the Lord would mess me up. I prayed that He would break me of any idols in my life. I prayed that He would so turn my life upside down that I would only know that it was from Him and not of myself.

Recently, He has shown me that I have made California, and in particular, San Diego, a non-negotiable. I have desired to go there for so long that I have made it a huge idol and the Lord has given me a very clear and resounding “NO” to move to San Diego. What the heck? Are you kidding me? But I have packed up my entire life to move out here and now I have to turn around a go right back home? This can’t be happening! So, now what? Give me something more….

I wanted a vision. A long-term goal for my life.

And then I read Acts 8 and He showed me what was up.

The Holy Spirit told Philip to go south to the road. That’s all he got.

Once he was there, the Spirit said, “Hey, you see that chariot? Well go over there.”

Once he was there, Philip was given the words to speak truth to the Ethiopian and the man was eventually baptized.

Philip did not know from the beginning what was going to happen. All he did was follow the little pieces of the puzzle that the Spirit was giving him. He did not have an end result in mind. There was no long-term vision that some Ethiopian eunuch would be baptized through Philip’s obedience.

I realize that my thoughts may be getting very jumbled now, but stay with me…

I don’t know where to go next. Dallas is a very good option, but I am not sold on it just yet.

The second thing is that I have been able to see (through the leading of the Holy Spirit) how I have been given pieces of the puzzle as I have needed them.

I was led to quit my teaching job to go to San Diego. The day I quit my job, I was offered a job I didn’t even apply for in Tahoe. In the process of accepting the Young Life job, the Spirit revealed to me my idols and has broken me. Had I not come here, I would already be in San Diego and would not have seen my own sin. (Thank you, Jesus, for saving me!) And now I know that there cannot be San Diego right now, but I’m not sure what’s next and that’s okay.

I have to believe that the Spirit WILL show me the next step when I need to know it. Right now I just need to know that there cannot be San Diego so that I can deal with breaking this idol.

Acts has rocked my world this summer.

I have seen the importance of community and following the Spirit.

I hope this makes sense. But if it doesn’t, welcome to my head and heart these days…