Growing up...or NOT growing up!

I was thinking today about how much I have grown up in the past year and a half since I graduated from A&M. A few things have happened and a few things haven’t happened. Here are just a few:

1. I have moved 5 times—yes I said FIVE times! Ridiculous! I have lived in 3 different places in Lewisville, TX and two places in California. (And maybe a new move soon???)

2. I have had 5 different jobs!!! Are you ready for this??? I have worked at: (in this order)
-Imperial Beach Coffee and Books (Barista)
-Marcus High School (student teaching)
-Flower Mound High School (Chemistry teacher)
-Young Life’s Mountain Lodge (Program Intern)
-Starbucks Coffee (Barista)
-The Academy of Irving ISD (Chemistry/IPC Teacher)

3. I have been on a cruise. (With Sarah—the bunkmate!) Very fun, but would be SUPER fun with all six of us!

4. I have broken my first bone and had my first stitches—my middle finger, what a fiasco!

5. I have learned the importance of clinging to the Lord in the Valleys, praising Him for them, and rejoicing on the Mountaintops.

6. I have learned how much I really do love teaching and how much technology can help me instead of hinder me!

7. I have not broken my camera since the last incident when I got my Aggie ring (remember girls?)!!!

8. I have gotten a new car. I have a car payment and everything! Yes, of course, Keith and Renee (my parents) helped out quite a bit on the down payment—thanks mom and dad—but I do have a monthly payment. Now, I’m not saying that I like my payment, but it does make me feel like a grown up!

9. I have not stopped singing! Now, most of you are thinking to yourself, “Self, I didn’t know Claire was a good singer.” Well, you are correct in your thinking, I am not a GOOD singer, but I LOVE to sing! Those of you who know me well, know that I can turn anything into a song, and I have not stopped doing it. I like to think of my life as a musical. In fact, today in class I was telling one of my students to shake something and just started singing, “Shake it like a Polaroid picture.” Yes, maybe not appropriate, but you know they loved it! I’m so relevant to my students!!!

10. I have not grown up! I have realized that I have a grown-up job and I pay grown-up bills, but I still do not do grown-up things. I would still much prefer to throw the Frisbee than go to a fancy club, I still do not dress up very much for work, and I don’t really think about or plan for my future financial situation. (Sorry dad!) Maybe it’s because I am dating a younger man, but I just refuse to grow up!

So, although time has passed since graduation, much more will have to pass for you to really see a "grown-up" Claire. Or, maybe I'll just move to Neverland and never grow up!!

Busy Rest

I am a restless person. Resting is so hard for me. I am always looking for the next adventure.

Looking for the next rush.

I have never had a job for over a year. Since I graduated high school, I have moved 8 times.

Eight.

Are you kidding me. My parents have only moved twice. And they have been married for over 30 years.

I should get a prize for that.

I am a wanderer. A dabbler. I leave at the peak of my stay so that I don't overstay my welcome.

I guess my heart just yearns for something more--so I just move on. And I leave everything else--and everyone else--behind.

Don't get me wrong, I have great friends all over the country and stay in great contact with most of them. But as for me--I leave. I move on to what I think are bigger and better things.

And so the cycle continues.

I mean, I just started my teaching job (yes, I got a teaching job in Irving teaching Chemistry and IPC) and on my first day I was already thinking about what I could do next year instead of teaching at this school. What is my problem?

But, what if this whole time, the thing that I have needed most is rest?

And, maybe I just have that nature about me. Maybe I will be a wanderer for the rest of my life. (Although I hope not, because the idea of being "settled" sounds so great!) Maybe I will, though, always feel the call to move to a new place.

But what I need to learn is how to rest while I am wherever I am. I need to be all here. This is something that I have known for a long time, but have to be reminded of.

My new teaching job is very stressful and overwhelming so I am very busy, but I am learning how to be all there. I am learning how to be completely content with THIS job, in THIS city, with THESE people. Although I am very busy, I feel very rested. Very stable. Very content.

We'll see how long THIS will last!!!

Room For Cream

Yes, it is true...I have given into the man. I am currently the newest barista at my local Starbucks Coffee. Sad, but oh so true. I have worked three shifts and like it okay. I know that it will take a while for me to fully get into the swing of things there, but its a great dispensible job (that gives me benefits like medical insurance as well as a free pound of coffee every single week!) that I can have for a while and even transfer within the company if I need to. I work with very interesting people, but they are very very fun. I know that God can use me in big ways--if only I would be fully willing to let Him.

I am learning how to be all here in Lewisville while still being diligent about praying for what God has next for me. It is something that sounds easy in theory, but in reality, it is very hard.

I am so trying to enjoy the place that God has me today, while still being able to grow and learn from the places that He has taken me, and being prayerful about the places that He will take me.

I have been reading a book called "to Be Told" by Dan Allender and it has helped me to put things into perspective about how God has used my past and is using my present to prepare me for my unknown future.

He makes a good point that it is hard to know where you are going if you do not know where you come from. Those moments in your past that have defined who you are and those moments that you wish never happened are all part of how you live your life today--whether you like it or not.

This is not to say that there is not power in the cross and redemption through the blood, but what has happened has happened--it is what it is--and we have to be willing to read our past to know how God has wired us for our today and our tomorrow.

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19

All of those little moments that Mary had with Jesus are moments that she pondered and later in Luke it even says that she "treasured" them in her heart.

We are to remember all of the places that the Lord has brought us to and through. We are to thank Him for bringing us through them and revealing Himself to us because of them.

Thank Him for the mountain-tops.

Praise Him for the valleys.

Be grateful for His voice.

And love Him despite the silence.

In this past week I have pleaded with the Lord to help me to remember my story--or rather His story in my life. A lot of junk has come up, but a lot of healing has resulted. Before I can move forward I think that it is important to look back and see all that God has done--while still living for what I have today.

At times I feel so empty and drained, but I know that with Jesus there is always room for more.

I am excited about where He is going to take me, but I am even more excited about what He is doing TODAY. I have faith that what He is doing TODAY is molding me for what He will grow me to become TOMORROW.

Ultimately, though, I pray that He will teach me how to live for where He has me today, in Lewisville, TX and that as I live for the here and now, He will show me tomorrow.