Giving it all

"But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property and kept back some of the price for himself with his wife's full knowledge, and bringing a portion of it, he laid it at the apostles' feet. But Peter said, 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.'

And as he heard these words, Ananias fell down and breathed his last; and great fear came over all who heard of it. The young men got up and covered him up, and after carrying him out, they buried him. Now there elapsed an interval of about three hours, and his wife cam in, not knowing what had happened.

And Peter responded to her, 'Tell me whether you sold the land for such and such a price?' And she said, 'Yes, that was the price.'

Then Peter said to her, 'Why is it that you have agreed together to put the Spirit of the Lord to the test? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door; and they will carry you out as well.'

And immediately she fell at his feet and breathed her last, and the young men came in and found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband."

Acts 5: 1-10

Ananias held back from the Lord what was the Lord's and he died.

Dead.

As in no life.

Simply for wanting to keep some of the money for himself.

When his wife confirmed the price, she feel dead as well.

Simply for holding back a little bit of extra cash for later.

These are HUGE words that I have never taken seriously. Not giving all that I am, all that I own, all that I have to the Lord will result in death--most likely not physical death, but spiritual death.

I am more fearful of the latter.

So, what is the application of this verse in our world today when we will not be physically killed if we do not give everything to the Lord? How do I see and feel the weight of spiritual death as a result of not giving it all?

This is a question I have been wrestling with all week.

I want so badly to know the Lord's plan for my life, but scripture says that He won't tell me until I give it all to Him. Until I get rid of all the idols in my life. Until I rid myself of the pride I cling so tightly to. Until I let go of MY plans and let HIS take root--whatever they may be.

Now I am here. Trying so badly to figure it all out, knowing full well that I may never--and most likely will never--figure it all out.

Clinging to His promises.

Clinging to His word.

Basking in His glory shown in His creation and through the community He has placed me in.

Trying so hard to show these high school students who Jesus is by joyfully unloading kayaks when I would rather by sleeping.

By giving Him my all when I don't always feel as though I have much to give.

But knowing that I want nothing else than to give Him my all.

This week has been amazing. Hard, of course, but amazing! My highlight, however, has been my two days on Lake Tahoe. Did you know that if you emptied Lake Tahoe, it would fill up the state of California to a depth of 2 feet! This lake is immense. It's so huge, and so deep, and so blue. I have spent the last two Wednesdays on the lake playing lifeguard (thank you Pine Cove). So, the majority of my day is spent laying on a rocky beach and kayaking with some kids.

Meet Joe, Levi, and Emmeline. Joe is a fellow intern and Levi and Emmeline are my boss' kids--they're hilarious.


Since we have had such small camps these first two weeks, I have had the privilage of learning how to wakeboard. The water was freezing and I thought I was going to die, but it was so much fun. I took a few huge spills and ate a lot of water, but it was worth it. I can now say that I learned how to wakeboard on Lake Tahoe. Here's me attempting to go over the wake. Apparently I "buttered the wake" which is a wakeboarding move, but I didn't even know it. I ate it a few seconds later!


So far, this has been a great adventure. Today I went for a two hour run/walk/hike and ended up at the top of a small cliff overlooking Donner Lake. The Lord spoke to me there. More clearly than He ever has. I am grateful. So grateful that His has put me in a place where I am getting more of Him.