Room For Cream

Yes, it is true...I have given into the man. I am currently the newest barista at my local Starbucks Coffee. Sad, but oh so true. I have worked three shifts and like it okay. I know that it will take a while for me to fully get into the swing of things there, but its a great dispensible job (that gives me benefits like medical insurance as well as a free pound of coffee every single week!) that I can have for a while and even transfer within the company if I need to. I work with very interesting people, but they are very very fun. I know that God can use me in big ways--if only I would be fully willing to let Him.

I am learning how to be all here in Lewisville while still being diligent about praying for what God has next for me. It is something that sounds easy in theory, but in reality, it is very hard.

I am so trying to enjoy the place that God has me today, while still being able to grow and learn from the places that He has taken me, and being prayerful about the places that He will take me.

I have been reading a book called "to Be Told" by Dan Allender and it has helped me to put things into perspective about how God has used my past and is using my present to prepare me for my unknown future.

He makes a good point that it is hard to know where you are going if you do not know where you come from. Those moments in your past that have defined who you are and those moments that you wish never happened are all part of how you live your life today--whether you like it or not.

This is not to say that there is not power in the cross and redemption through the blood, but what has happened has happened--it is what it is--and we have to be willing to read our past to know how God has wired us for our today and our tomorrow.

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19

All of those little moments that Mary had with Jesus are moments that she pondered and later in Luke it even says that she "treasured" them in her heart.

We are to remember all of the places that the Lord has brought us to and through. We are to thank Him for bringing us through them and revealing Himself to us because of them.

Thank Him for the mountain-tops.

Praise Him for the valleys.

Be grateful for His voice.

And love Him despite the silence.

In this past week I have pleaded with the Lord to help me to remember my story--or rather His story in my life. A lot of junk has come up, but a lot of healing has resulted. Before I can move forward I think that it is important to look back and see all that God has done--while still living for what I have today.

At times I feel so empty and drained, but I know that with Jesus there is always room for more.

I am excited about where He is going to take me, but I am even more excited about what He is doing TODAY. I have faith that what He is doing TODAY is molding me for what He will grow me to become TOMORROW.

Ultimately, though, I pray that He will teach me how to live for where He has me today, in Lewisville, TX and that as I live for the here and now, He will show me tomorrow.

A Slew of Events...

I am going to try to tell all that has occurred since my last blog without making this blog too long, but no promises.


About a week after my last entry, we had our last week of Mountain Lodge campers as we know it. It was very, very hard. I have seen the Lord do a HUGE work in and through that 3-story lodge and I am still baffled as to why He feels the need to shut it all down. But, He's the one in charge right? And He knows what He's doing, right? As I left the Lodge, I did realize that it was a bit anti-climactic. As I left I realized that it really wasn't ever about the PLACE as much as it was about the PEOPLE and the work that God did in and through the PEOPLE. It is a place where the Lord changed me and revealed Himself to me, but it is just a place.

Kind of funny that this is not the first time that the Lord has had to teach me this truth.

Funny...or frustrating. I'm not sure which one.

The day after campers left, Joe (my new, amazing boyfriend) and I were finally able to go on our first (and only) date. Because he's so great and knows me so well, we went on a hike up Mt. Rose, one of the highest peaks in the Lake Tahoe area. It was such a fun first date and definitely an amazing addition to all of the awesome experiences the Lord has blessed me with. Here's Joe and me with Mt. Rose in the background. (This is just one of our many open-mouth pictures--He fits in just fabulously!)

A couple of days after our amazing date, most of the interns and James and Courtney went on a bike ride around Lake Tahoe. Once again, another great addition to the awesome experiences I had here. We left early in the morning and it took us a little under 6 hours to complete the 73 miles around the Lake. It was such a beautiful ride being as we had a view of Lake Tahoe almost the entire time. My bike held up just fabulously and I became even more addicted to riding. Here we all are above Emerald Bay (a beautiful bay in Lake Tahoe).


Joe left to drive across the country to North Carolina (where he goes to school--yes, he is younger than me!) and the day that he left, I found out that my car, Oliver, was very very sick and it would cost about $2500 to fix him, which, by the way, is WAY more than he is worth. So, my dad and I decided that the only option was to buy a new car. But, Sarah would be coming in the next few days and we were to drive across the country--I needed a new car and FAST! My friend Ryan and I went to Reno on a mission and by the end of the day I was blessed with a brand new 2008 Subaru Forster Sports at a great deal. Talk about the Lord was looking out for me--it was a very overwhelming process!!! So, meet Andre the Subaru, my new friend!


So, Sarah came to Reno to save the day and drive the 28-hour drive with me back to Dallas (see previous post). But, before we went, I had to show my beloved Bunkmate a bit of God's beautiful creation. So, we grabbed some bikes and went for a bike ride along the Truckee river and Lake Tahoe. It was so much fun and Sarah was get a taste of what I had been doing all summer. Here we are on Lake Tahoe and then after the ride looking so hard core!





The next day, we hopped in Andre (who had not yet been named) and headed for Dallas loaded down with my entire life in my car as well as my two bikes and a luggage rack on top of the car. We drove to Salt Lake City and then through Wyoming and Colorado and ended up in Newton, KS to stay with our friend Luke's parents. On Thursday morning we we on the home stretch heading down I-35 at about 60 mph when suddenly my entire bike rack ripped off of my car and began rolling down I-35. Thankfully no cars were in the direct path of the bikes, rack, and luggage. I quickly stopped my car and began running down the freeway with 30 mph winds blowing in my face and Sarah and I waited for an 18-wheeler to stop traffic for us so that we could drag the stuff out of the middle of the freeway. Thankfully a couple (who was on their way to take their engagement pictures nonetheless) stopped and knew how to take apart bikes and helped us get situated. Paula (Sarah's mom) immediately started driving north and met us near Oklahoma City to help us cope! It was a very traumatic experience to say the least.


I immediately got very mad and began calling anyone who could compensate me for my tragedy and the fact that my brand new road bike was broken in half--literally! I expended all of my resources and long story short, REI sold me the wrong rack and is going to buy me a brand new road bike and will rebuild my mountain bike and will pay to repair the dents in my brand new car. I will sing REI's praises for ages to come!!!!

A slew of events to say the least, eh?

Currently I am in Lafayette for a couple of days and then will move in with my friend Stephanie in Lewisville and begin the job hunt. The Lord has been very clear that Dallas is where I am supposed to me for this season--however long it may be. He has also been very clear that full-time ministry is next for me--it what capacity, I do not know, but we'll see. So for now I am looking for a dispensable job and will spend as much time as I can praying for direction as to where He will have be in full-time ministry.

So, there you go. It's been an adventure. It will continue to be an adventure, I am sure. Thank you all for your prayers through this time. More to come...I am sure...

Many Many Blessings...

Where to begin??? I realize that it has been a while since my last entry and for that I am terribly sorry. Camp has been super crazy and I haven't really had time to process all that has occurred. So many blessings have come my way, but I'll cut it down to 3 for now...so little time!!

Since my last entry, God has shown up. Through many many wrestling matches with Him and lots of tears, He has been very clear that I am to move back to Dallas (or Lewisville, rather) and live with my great friend, Stephanie. I will be about 5 minutes from the church as well as 5 minutes from the Vierlings--two things that are very important to me. I am not at all sure yet how He will use me there, but I know that it is where He is leading me. And just like Phillip, He will tell me when I need to know. Right now I have a direction and I am trusting that He will guide me closer to Himself in a way that only He can.

So there's blessing number one--direction, and a clear one. I have never heard so clearly from the Lord in any other way.

Blessing number two is James and Courtney Thomsen. They are my bosses--the property managers of the Mountain Lodge. Since this is the last summer of the Lodge (long story, I'll tell you if you ask, but I don't have time to type it all out), they do not have a job come October 1 and they have shown me what it means to trust Christ with all that I have. They have been a huge encouragement to me. James is also a huge cyclist and because he works for an outdoor adventure camp he has some great pro-deals. James has blessed us interns with some awesome pro-deals on road bikes and road bike gear. Because of his generosity, I was able to get an amazing road bike for about half the retail price. There are some crazy hills/mountains out here so I have been able to learn how to climb huge hills and control myself as it hit 47 mph going down them (no lie!).

Here's Courtney, Joe, and I riding up Donner Pass Road (you can see Donner Lake in the background).


Blessing number three has to be the July team that was here last month. They were all such a huge blessing to me. My work crew boss from 5 years ago, Jamelyn, was the camp manager and her friendship last month was HUGE. As a team we were able to climb up Castle Peak. It's about a 2400 foot elevation gain in about 3 miles. We did a sunset hike and then hiked down in the full moon. It was not to be believed how beautiful it was.

Here's the whole July team at the top right before the sunset.



Here's the interns in the sunset...



And here's my EPIC picture on the top of Castle Peak...


This summer I have experienced Christ. I needed this summer. I feel like I am back to the real Claire. The Claire who is not so serious. The Claire who is fun, and random, and spontaneous. I needed to re-evaluate who I am in Christ. I am so grateful for this summer. It has rocked my world. I have one week of camp left and then a week here closing down camp. It's sad that it is almost over, but I know that coming here was right. I have been blessed immensely.

Vision

Acts 8: 26-40

26But an angel of the Lord spoke to Philip saying, "Get up and go south to the road that descends from Jerusalem to Gaza." (This is a desert road.)

27So he got up and went; and there was an Ethiopian eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of all her treasure; and he had come to Jerusalem to worship,

28and he was returning and sitting in his chariot, and was reading the prophet Isaiah.

29Then the Spirit said to Philip, "Go up and join this chariot."

30Philip ran up and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet, and said, "Do you understand what you are reading?"

31And he said, "Well, how could I, unless someone guides me?" And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.

32Now the passage of Scripture which he was reading was this:
"HE WAS LED AS A SHEEP TO SLAUGHTER;
AND AS A LAMB BEFORE ITS SHEARER IS SILENT,
SO HE DOES NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH.
33"IN HUMILIATION HIS JUDGMENT WAS TAKEN AWAY;
WHO WILL RELATE HIS GENERATION?
FOR HIS LIFE IS REMOVED FROM THE EARTH."

34The eunuch answered Philip and said, "Please tell me, of whom does the prophet say this? Of himself or of someone else?"

35Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning from this Scripture he preached Jesus to him.

36As they went along the road they came to some water; and the eunuch said, "Look! Water! What prevents me from being baptized?"

37And Philip said, "If you believe with all your heart, you may." And he answered and said, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God."]

38And he ordered the chariot to stop; and they both went down into the water, Philip as well as the eunuch, and he baptized him.

39When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord snatched Philip away; and the eunuch no longer saw him, but went on his way rejoicing.

40But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he passed through he kept preaching the gospel to all the cities until he came to Caesarea.

I have been praying for a vision. For guideance. For some sort of direction.

For a long time I have felt that my prayers have not been answered. What am I passionate about? What are my gifts? What do I LOVE to do? As Jess says, "What makes my heart race?"

The past week and a half has been rough. Physically, mentally, spiritually, I have been drained. I have hit my wall and have had to continue to move forward. But, because He is so good, I have experienced more of Christ.

Two things I have leared...

First of all is that my prayers have not been in vain. My praying and seeking the face of the Lord, I have learned more about the character of the Lord. I have pleaded with Him. I have worshipped Him. I have been drawn near to Him.

MY prayers do not need to be answered.

Instead, my heart needs to be aligned with His, and He has helped me to see that. Following Christ does not mean doing what you want to do and following Him on the side. Following Christ means altering your entire life so that you are always in line with His will.

So I prayed that the Lord would mess me up. I prayed that He would break me of any idols in my life. I prayed that He would so turn my life upside down that I would only know that it was from Him and not of myself.

Recently, He has shown me that I have made California, and in particular, San Diego, a non-negotiable. I have desired to go there for so long that I have made it a huge idol and the Lord has given me a very clear and resounding “NO” to move to San Diego. What the heck? Are you kidding me? But I have packed up my entire life to move out here and now I have to turn around a go right back home? This can’t be happening! So, now what? Give me something more….

I wanted a vision. A long-term goal for my life.

And then I read Acts 8 and He showed me what was up.

The Holy Spirit told Philip to go south to the road. That’s all he got.

Once he was there, the Spirit said, “Hey, you see that chariot? Well go over there.”

Once he was there, Philip was given the words to speak truth to the Ethiopian and the man was eventually baptized.

Philip did not know from the beginning what was going to happen. All he did was follow the little pieces of the puzzle that the Spirit was giving him. He did not have an end result in mind. There was no long-term vision that some Ethiopian eunuch would be baptized through Philip’s obedience.

I realize that my thoughts may be getting very jumbled now, but stay with me…

I don’t know where to go next. Dallas is a very good option, but I am not sold on it just yet.

The second thing is that I have been able to see (through the leading of the Holy Spirit) how I have been given pieces of the puzzle as I have needed them.

I was led to quit my teaching job to go to San Diego. The day I quit my job, I was offered a job I didn’t even apply for in Tahoe. In the process of accepting the Young Life job, the Spirit revealed to me my idols and has broken me. Had I not come here, I would already be in San Diego and would not have seen my own sin. (Thank you, Jesus, for saving me!) And now I know that there cannot be San Diego right now, but I’m not sure what’s next and that’s okay.

I have to believe that the Spirit WILL show me the next step when I need to know it. Right now I just need to know that there cannot be San Diego so that I can deal with breaking this idol.

Acts has rocked my world this summer.

I have seen the importance of community and following the Spirit.

I hope this makes sense. But if it doesn’t, welcome to my head and heart these days…

About a week and a half ago an old friend was able to come and visit me at the Lodge. This is a very big deal becuase in my 5 summers of working at a camp, no one has ever come to visit me.

Brandy blessed me.

We played at King's Beach on Lake Tahoe and the wind was so strong that the waves were big enough for us to surf our kayaks on them.

We had some great deep conversations and just were able to catch up after about 3 years of not having seen each other.

Thank you B, for coming to visit. You blessed me more than you know.

While we were at King's Beach, we found this great store which I had seen on my way to the Lodge one day but could never find again. It was a glorious moment when we parked and began to walk to the beach and realized that the store was in fact at the very place where we were.

The store is called "As you Wish" and they sell "enchanted gifts.

"Princess Bride" anyone?

Since we have been quoting "The Princess Bride" all summer, my friend Joey and I were so excited.

There were ridiculous trinkets and constumes in this store--Mom, you would love it!

The outside of the store even comes equipped pirates and a wishing well. Needless to say we thouroughly enjoyed our time at King's Beach.

Anybody want a peanut?

FIRE!

South Lake Tahoe has been on fire for the past week.

3100 acres have burned.

Over 250 homes have been destroyed.

It is currently about 75% contained.

It is a tragedy.

But I am okay.

The lodge is about 35 miles from the fires, so we are safe. We have had to make many changes to our program because of the fires, but we have been able to see the Lord work in majestic ways. He worked out the kinks and reminded us that there are bigger things going on to pray for than our program.

We were still able to go to the north shore of the lake...



And because of the the change of program, we were able to peak Donner Peak and Mt. Judah overlooking Donner Lake. Needless to say, it was very windy, but very beautiful...


Thank you guys so much for your thoughts and prayers and phone calls this week. I am safe and doing very well. There has been a lot of smoke in the air, but all is well. Please pray for the victims of the fire. Love you all.

Giving it all

"But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property and kept back some of the price for himself with his wife's full knowledge, and bringing a portion of it, he laid it at the apostles' feet. But Peter said, 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.'

And as he heard these words, Ananias fell down and breathed his last; and great fear came over all who heard of it. The young men got up and covered him up, and after carrying him out, they buried him. Now there elapsed an interval of about three hours, and his wife cam in, not knowing what had happened.

And Peter responded to her, 'Tell me whether you sold the land for such and such a price?' And she said, 'Yes, that was the price.'

Then Peter said to her, 'Why is it that you have agreed together to put the Spirit of the Lord to the test? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door; and they will carry you out as well.'

And immediately she fell at his feet and breathed her last, and the young men came in and found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband."

Acts 5: 1-10

Ananias held back from the Lord what was the Lord's and he died.

Dead.

As in no life.

Simply for wanting to keep some of the money for himself.

When his wife confirmed the price, she feel dead as well.

Simply for holding back a little bit of extra cash for later.

These are HUGE words that I have never taken seriously. Not giving all that I am, all that I own, all that I have to the Lord will result in death--most likely not physical death, but spiritual death.

I am more fearful of the latter.

So, what is the application of this verse in our world today when we will not be physically killed if we do not give everything to the Lord? How do I see and feel the weight of spiritual death as a result of not giving it all?

This is a question I have been wrestling with all week.

I want so badly to know the Lord's plan for my life, but scripture says that He won't tell me until I give it all to Him. Until I get rid of all the idols in my life. Until I rid myself of the pride I cling so tightly to. Until I let go of MY plans and let HIS take root--whatever they may be.

Now I am here. Trying so badly to figure it all out, knowing full well that I may never--and most likely will never--figure it all out.

Clinging to His promises.

Clinging to His word.

Basking in His glory shown in His creation and through the community He has placed me in.

Trying so hard to show these high school students who Jesus is by joyfully unloading kayaks when I would rather by sleeping.

By giving Him my all when I don't always feel as though I have much to give.

But knowing that I want nothing else than to give Him my all.

This week has been amazing. Hard, of course, but amazing! My highlight, however, has been my two days on Lake Tahoe. Did you know that if you emptied Lake Tahoe, it would fill up the state of California to a depth of 2 feet! This lake is immense. It's so huge, and so deep, and so blue. I have spent the last two Wednesdays on the lake playing lifeguard (thank you Pine Cove). So, the majority of my day is spent laying on a rocky beach and kayaking with some kids.

Meet Joe, Levi, and Emmeline. Joe is a fellow intern and Levi and Emmeline are my boss' kids--they're hilarious.


Since we have had such small camps these first two weeks, I have had the privilage of learning how to wakeboard. The water was freezing and I thought I was going to die, but it was so much fun. I took a few huge spills and ate a lot of water, but it was worth it. I can now say that I learned how to wakeboard on Lake Tahoe. Here's me attempting to go over the wake. Apparently I "buttered the wake" which is a wakeboarding move, but I didn't even know it. I ate it a few seconds later!


So far, this has been a great adventure. Today I went for a two hour run/walk/hike and ended up at the top of a small cliff overlooking Donner Lake. The Lord spoke to me there. More clearly than He ever has. I am grateful. So grateful that His has put me in a place where I am getting more of Him.